I'm not who I was...

Sin is a constant battle, you don't really need a rocket scientist to tell you that. As scared as I am to admit this...lately..sin is winning this battle within me, and its tearing me apart. I havn't felt so apart from God since I became a Christian in 2005, and I'm left here wondering, where has all my faith gone? Has it dried up in the midst of all this change? Why is God allowing me to fall? Why can't I see Him when I'm surrounded by so much "Christian-ness"? How could I possibly forget the great things that God has done for me? I ponder these questions often and wonder how I got here. The only thing I can really come up with is sin, and the fact that I live in a broken place no matter how many times the name of Christ is thrown around.

So where do I go now? As I was listening to my ipod in the shower...Brandon Heath's: I'm not who I was , came on. I suddenly remembered why I was thankful for what God has done, because..I'm not who I was.
"I found us in a photograph
I saw me and I had to laugh
You know, I'm not who I was"

I think about the life I used to live...and wow, I'm not who I was. How many times can I say it? As many as it takes! Now my challenge is to grow from this standpoint. I'm not who I was, but I am a new person who needs to grow and be challenged in her faith. I need a constant reminder that I am not held down by chains any longer, that I can have the strength to walk away from it all if I just ask the Lord for it.

My biggest struggle is understanding that developing a right relationship with God is not instant..but a process. A constant process that takes time and nurturing like any relationship does.

Pray for me as the wounds within me are beginning to close.