Marc Driscoll said something awesome in church on sunday. (what else is new?) He described us as a sailboat. And the Holy Spirit as a breeze. When we are complacent and feel like God is not moving we complain and think that God is not there. But don't you feel the nice breeze? He told us to get our sails up. The Holy Spirit will fill our sails but He won't if there not up to begin with.


Amazing Love how can it be?
That thou my God shouldst die for me?

He left His Father’s throne above
So free, so infinite His grace—
Emptied Himself of all but love,
And bled for Adam’s helpless race:
’Tis mercy all, immense and free,
For O my God, it found out me!

Prayer

Prayer is something I have always struggled with. Many things pop in my mind when I think of why I struggle. What if my prayers are not of God's will? What if I'm asking for something that's too much? If God is unchanging....what GOOD are my prayers?

I haven't really faced those questions. But I know that right now in this season...I am being called to pray. There have been countless situations in the past two weeks that are so huge and crazy that all I can do is pray.

I'm a doer. I like to fix things and I like when I'm in control. But what God has shown me is that there are situations where all I really can do is pray...because these things are completely out of my hands.

And as I sign on to be a student leader at the Inn this year on the prayer team, I understand now why God has placed me there. He wants to change me into a 1 Thessalonians 5:17 prayer, if you will. One who prays without ceasing.

So pray for me as I learn to pray more. Please


Be joyful always; pray without ceasing; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
- 1 Thessalonians 5:17

new beginnings

For a few years now...God has been a huge part of my life; the biggest part of my life. I was saved as a young high school student from the nastiness of teenage life. Saved from all the things that trapped me and saved from things that led to the road of destruction. When I think of those first few months when God took hold of my life, how could I possibly let myself drift? How could this monumental time in my life ever lose its importance? I don't know how...but it has.

Many people know my testimony. And not that that story has changed or been made any less important...But I have learned that I cannot and must not rely on that one point in my life where God moved powerfully. He is still active and still moving in my life...and I must move forward and continue my testimony. Yes, those events a few years ago were awesome...but I need to look at the way God can now work in the smaller things in my life, the things that have somehow gotten lost in translation, the things that for so long now I though I had control of. But as we all know, there is nothing that is in my own control. It is all HIS.

So what has God been doing in my life lately that is worth mentioning? How can I lightly put...everything? Since becoming a believer I have had to tackle my selfish and sassy attitude toward my family...obviously I haven't gotten very far because I thought this was something I could do on my own. And now as a 19 year old college student that only lives at home for a few months of the year, I'm finding the need to let God take control of my selfishness and pride, and bad attitude...and doing this while I rarely see my family.

What I really need is a softening of the heart. My habits from when I was a highschooler are still here. What the heck! You would think that I would have been able to get rid of this by now! What I really need to do is pray, recently I've been praying for my family...and the biggest thing that has changed is my own heart. I sit back and smile as nasty things are pointed and said in my direction. I'm working on saying things in the nicest way I can. And I have found that the most effective way in showing the Gospel to my family is just to sit back and love, and show them how Jesus works in my life.

I have learned that being a Christian is not about comparing your life to other Christians'. I have spent so much time checking and balancing my life and making sure it fits into this "Christian" mold...but it's all a lie. My standard should be Jesus. Comparison is the theif of all joy. Most Christian labels today are all about self-help and what Jesus can do for me. This idea couldn't be any worse, how could I waste my time asking Jesus to do things for me when I owe everything I have to Him? When you think of how big He is, and the fact that every breath ANYONE breathe's HE ordains...how could I offer Him anything less than my life?

This life is not about what I do for Jesus, it's not about how many hours I volunteer, how many dollars I donate, or how many books on theology I read. This life is about surrendering myself to Him. It's letting His will go before my own...and trusting that His ways are always better than my own.

So, I praise YOU Lord...for paying my debt and washing me clean. I pray that I would no longer base my justification on works. Your work on the cross paid the whole price, and nothing I do on this earth will make You love me anymore...

Oh how He loves us

there is an absolutely wonderful song that has been on my heart lately. The lyrics are simple, yet powerful and just....awesome.

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

Lord,
Though I have walked away...bring me back to You. Remind me that I am justified only by what You did on the cross and that nothing I do makes you love me any more.

...

I had all these visions of how summer was going to be this year. Stressful was not one of those visions at all. I find myself caught in the middle of so many things, and finding that I haven't sought the Lord in any of it. Where am I to go from here?

Empty

I have successfully burned the candle and both ends, and held a flame in the middle.
and now..
I'm empty

Usually I would feel a vast array of emotions flooding in my brain from moment to moment, and to be honest I feel like my mind is on pause while the rest of the world keeps moving. How did this happen? At the end of my first year of college I feel tired and weak, I feel like I'm hiding from God and hiding from what's real.

Maybe I'm just caught up in the future again.

The thought of moving home for the summer in two weeks. The thought of marrying Seth. The thought of moving into a new apartment in the fall. The thought of trying to rebuild broken friendships. The thought of a career. Thought's of what is going to happen with my parents. Thoughts of my grandma. Lingering thoughts of my Grandpa whom I can't stop thinking about lately. Thoughts of being a leader for the Inn next year.

Maybe I'm all thought out.

Either way I can't seem to focus. I feel down and unmotivated. I feel like giving up.
But I can't, I can't afford to.

Is it possible to step outside my brain for a few hours?

Probably not. But it's a nice thought

Lord, take me out of this mess. Set me upon the rock which is You.

May Fun

May has been great...