tears of happiness

The tears lately have been sad ones. Tears of loneliness, shame, brokenness, and despair. This first quarter of college has been one of the hardest few months of my life, partly because I'm in a whole new surrounding and not comfortable with everything, and mostly because the theological views of this school are kind of wacky, and I feel so challenged to find out what I actually believe in and what is the truth and what I am being taught. But it is hard to deny that the hardest part of leaving San Mateo was Seth. We've known each other for a couple years, yet our relationship didn't begin till the summer and now we've been dating for more than 7 months and things couldn't be better...most of the time. My personal tendency when I meet a guy is to throw all my time into my relationship and leave God out of the picture...no wonder all my other relationships have failed. But this one is different, I knew it was different from the beginning and it has truly been one of the best seasons of my life. Through our 7 months of physical struggles, spiritual struggles, and the struggle of being 700 miles from each other, Seth and I are finally in a place where we can grow together and worship the God who holds our relationship...together. Tonight, after getting off the phone, I cried tears of joy. Not the same tears that have been drained from my eyes since the day that I left in September, but tears that end with a smile. A smile because we are making a promise to ourselves and to God that we are moving forward and trusting God to help us work through the struggles that we face. Though I still don't know where I will end up in the rest of my college years, I do know that I trust the God who holds this world together, and will hold me together when things seem to fall apart. What I still must continue to seek is a purpose here in Seattle, a place where God can grow and change me into a woman that glorifies Him.
....

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace He brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting
- Jeremy Camp