The Lentent Season

Lent is something I have never observed. I breifly heard about it as a kid, but never understood it, I do remember seeing some kids or adults with black ashes on their head and thought they looked incredibly silly. There is no way that I believe that now, after today I understand the true meaning of lent.

Previous to today, lent sounded to me like an excuse for someone to give up something and boast about it, maybe its a certain food..and they secretly hope to lose weight, or maybe its their cell phone and they tell all their friends ahead of time. While letting people know for certain reasons may be necessary, whatever we are fasting from should be kept between ourselves and our Heavenly Father, and if to be shared, only in the purpose of asking for accountability if needed or to ask if they would like to join you.

At the service today, we were encouraged to leave our woe's at the alter. We were presented on small sheet with the woes presented in Luke 6:20-24. These woes had to do with the love of riches, food, laughter, and pride. After recieving the ashes, we were asked to circle a woe that we would like to leave, and to meditate on it, leave it at the alter, and to take a blessing card. This blessing card contained the blessings in Luke 6:20-24.

I circled the woe of riches. I struggle with the use of money daily, I can rarely say no to buying something, and have to continually find new homes for all the clothes in my closet. This 40 days, I will not be buying any clothing, shoes, accessories or anything I do not need. Because honestly, the 10 pairs of black sweats in my closet are not going to be needing another addition any time soon.

After these 40 days, I am hoping to not feel the impulse to buy anything new, I am hoping that I will feel releived and be releived of my addiction to money and shopping.

This season I want to grow deeper in my relationship with God. I am going to wake up earlier and spend time with God in the morning, and hopefully that will lead to an all-day conversation with Him. Usually strict provisions like having to read my bible every single day would scare me away, but discipline for me is what produces results.

Luke 6:20-25
And turning His gaze toward His disciples, He began to say, “Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.“Blessed are you who hunger now, for you shall be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh. “Blessed are you when men hate you, and ostracize you, and insult you, and scorn your name as evil, for the sake of the Son of Man. “Be glad in that day and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven. For in the same way their fathers used to treat the prophets. “But woe to you who are rich, for you are receiving your comfort in full. “Woe to you who are well-fed now, for you shall be hungry. Woe to you who laugh now, for you shall mourn and weep. “Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for their fathers used to treat the false prophets in the same way.

...starting to call Seattle home...*sigh of releif*

Don't get me wrong. I love San Mateo and the Bay Area, but yes...Seattle is starting to become my home away from my home home. If that makes any sort of sense at all. I just arrived here about an hour ago...expecting a tired friend fried from a day of classes to pick me up and that would be it. But no, how could I be so mistaken...I got the best homecoming ever. I hear Ally's infamous OH OHHHHHHHH! out of my car window, followed by Tori and Cody and Ally all hopping out of my car to greet me. It was the greatest! And it made leaving the bay area leave my mind! I was pleasantly reminded of how nice it is to know my way around Seattle, thanks to mommy and daddy my little blue speed racer was shipped up here in the beginning of the quarter..and the fun hasn't stopped yet! Exceppppppt, now back to the grind of school, midterms are over..but finals are just around the corner and I'm not nerely prepared enough!

But my first of many Valentine's with Seth was pretty amazing :). What girl will complain when she walks away with a diamond ring?! No no no, we're not engaged, but promised and committed, and that's perfect for us right now! But diamonds are not the only reason it was awesome, I just love being in love. It's amazing. Being in this relationship has made me realize so much about how my old relationships were so meaningless but Seth and I do truly love eachother and it's so evident in how we treat eachother. No amount diamonds or gifts will make that love grow or deplete :)

Anywho,
History research paper anyone? MMMMM I'm SO (not) excited to write a 10 page paper on Thomas Jefferson. Welcome home, research papers, politics arguments, false doctrine...OH MY!
Looking forward toooo: Sno-cal with TNT! (March 20), Spring Break (March 19), Seth's 21st Birthday(May 25)

:)

Some lyrics that have lifted me recently: Kari Jobe --> You are For Me

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that You have come down
even if to write upon my heart...
to remind me who You are

So patient,
So gracious,
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all You do
YOU fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to You...


:)

Geoff, George, and God

My brother. How distant our whole lives have been from each other while living under the same roof. Do we have anything in common besides our last name? For the past 18 years I would have told you no, and now...tonight, I can say yes. We live under the roof of Mr. S, and under this roof lies high standards, low morals, and no chance to ever gain self esteem. Call me dramatic if you may...but the three others living under this roof besides my father are plagued with self-esteem issues. I have always blamed a lot of it on my father, I know my mom blames a lot of it on him as well, and now tonight...I see it in my poor brother.

Despite his lack of communication with...well anyone, he really is a sweet guy. Like most guys he doesn't know how to show emotion to anyone unless its one of the hot girls he seems to date every so often. For the past few years I've known that he has dated, and I saw him go through the ugliest heart break I've ever seen last year. But I saw something in him tonight as I drove him home from a drunken party, I saw the look in his eyes when he got rejected, something that I am ever so familiar with. I saw the lack of confidence and assurance that every person needs to survive. It's not just a little bit lacking...its completely lacking, and this is what scares me. He is turning 21 next month, and he has little confidence in himself that he can ever make it on his own. Only by God's grace have I been able to attempt to fix this same exact aspect in my life that we seem to share.

Over the past few months of being in Seattle I have learned a thing or two about how people my age grew up. In my house, making fun of others for how they look is the common topic at dinner, physical fitness and eating habits are of high importance, a pat on the back or a showing of appreciation has never been found, and the S children are held to the strictist of standards, the standards of our Father. The standards that say we must have successful and lucrative careers, the lie that money is equal to happiness, and the implication that we will never be good enough to meet the standards at hand. Forgive me for "blasting" my father, but he really does think that SuperChildren exist. And now that I've grown up a bit and finally seen the other side of the fence, I realize how I must never raise children under these standards.

This sense that we are not good enough people, that we don't fit in, and that we are plagued with shyness when we enter a room is without a doubt related to how my brother and I were raised. In our heads, there is always someone better, there is always someone that we are being compared to, and we are never good enough. The way others think about us controls our thoughts and we are always thinking that people are judging us. This shows in how we interact with people, we're shy, nervous, defensive, and often rude. We judge other's appearance first always and we talk rudely about other's constantly.

And now that us Skaates children are adults, we must find a way to be normal. Normal? How can we be normal when all we know how to do is judged and be judged?

Obviously, this is part of my sinful nature. But, this is the only thing I know. After talking with Seth about my extreme insecurities, we came to the conclusion that I must learn to think differently. I must learn to not focus on what other's are thinking about me, because most of the time I assume there thinking things about me that are proposterous. I must learn that there is more beyond someone's image, yes I must LEARN that, I must learn how to think all over again because I have everything backwards. EVERY single time I walk into a room, I think about what people are thinking of my image, I make up crazy things about how fat they must think I am, or how they must think that I'm rude because I didn't smile at them, or I think that they must think I have no fashion sense cause my pants are too short. Crazy...I know.

I must learn to STOP, and realize how crazy my thoughts really are. I must stop myself in the middle of this rant inside my head and just learn to think like a good person does. I will not teach my children that it is ok to talk rudely of others, I will not let the love of money take over my life, and I will not teach my children that they are not good enough and need to measure up to a physical standard to earn my love.

The truth is...
there is only one standard that matters...

GOD'S HOLY AND RIGHTEOUS STANDARD. His love tells me that I don't need to look a certain way or to achieve a high GPA to be loved and appreciated. His grace tells me that though I am undeserving, He sent His Son to redeem my sins on the cross. His gospel tells me the wonderful story of Jesus, who lived a un-luxiourous life but was without sin, who ate with prostitutes and lepers, who cast out deamons and who BEAT death.

I will boast in nothing less than the cross of Christ. I will learn to change my thought's and my heart to what God desires of me. I will live a life obedient to Christ no matter what the cost. I will serve Him no matter what anyone else says or thinks. I will not be judged by the world's standards, by my father's standards, or by anything else because it will all BURN.

so back to Geoff. I pray for him. I pray that he might find himself, that he would find confidence and courage to be his own person and seperate himself from my father's discouraging words. I pray that he would find Jesus, that he would see the error of his ways and the error of the world and to fall at the foot of the cross. I pray that I could be a source of communication for him, I know just how he feels and just how he thinks, and I want to be there for him.

And now, I pray for courage to walk boldly for God. But to be humble and still respecting towards my parents. I pray that I would not be ashamed of the gospel, and that I would find complete security and strength in Jesus.

"So also we, while we were children, were held in bondage under the elemental things of the world. But when the fullness of the time came, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the Law, so that He might redeem those who were under the Law, that we might receive the adoption as sons. Because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, "Abba! Father!" Therefore you are no longer a slave, but a son; and if a son, then an heir through God." Galatians 4:3-8

why?

Why do people get tattoo's of crosses if they are not followers of Christ? WHAT is the point? Or bible verses or anything to do with the wonderous cross of Christ, without any sort of knowledge of Christ's saving Gospel? I can't believe people sometimes....

Rob Bell makes me angry

Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world (1 John 4:1).


Since when did it become okay for people to take scripture as a collection of stories and timelines rather than the inspired word of the Lord? Since when do we interpret the Bible to fit our own lifestyles and agendas? Am I alone in believing that this is not ok? I sit in a room full of "Christian" college freshman, in a class supposedly about Christian Formation, but I feel as though I must challenge everything I hear and see if scripture really does affirm these things. My research and the Bible, says that not much has lined up so far. And what happens when I do speak up? Heads turn, sigh's leak out of people's mouths, the professor turns his head slightly and gives me a look as if I'm crazy. What on earth am I doing here? Am I really called to be in a place that teaches these things? In the case of Rob Bell's Velvet Elvis, I was literally appalled at the end of the book. The Virgin Birth isn't important? Our home is on earth? Scripture is up to MY interpretation? WHAT? "“Everybody’s interpretation is essentially his or her own opinion”..."Now please understand that this way of thinking is prevalent in a lot of Christian churches,… But this view of the Bible is warped and toxic, to say the least. The assumption is that there is a way to read the Bible that is agenda—and perspective—free. As if all these other people have their opinion and biases, but some are able to just read it for what it says"
So reading scripture without any bias or influence is toxic? God is sovreign! He wanted those words to be written the way they were, why would He leave it up to interpretation when He has the power to make it say exactly what He wants? In Bell's opening statement about a trampoline vs. a brick wall...his "springs" are what are supposed to allow us to jump and live into our Christian selves, but so called "brickianity" which involves a brick wall, each brick a particular belief about God, bricks are not ok because they are rigid and if you remove one the whole things falls. The doctrine that has been in the Church since Christ is meaningless? This book makes me sad, sad because so many people my age believe this. So many peopel believe that this so-called "Trampolinity" is biblical. I am disgusted that my home church here in Seattle has the same name as Rob Bell's church, there is clearly no relation.


Pray that I could be discerning here at SPU. Pray that I would find SOMEthing that includes sound doctrine at school.

To cast all my fears, hopes, desires, struggles, trials, and questions, on You Lord, and to lay them at Your feet. For that is what I desire. To know You so deeply that my cares are lifted and my trials are met with comfort before I even ask. To find Your strength in my weakness, community in emptiness, to find joy in the sorrow of this world. That is what I desire. To rely on You, to trust in You, to rejoice in You, to have faith in You, that is what I desire Lord. To be consistent with You, to pray to You, to be hidden in You, to be found in You. This is what I want. To grow in You, to change in You, to live in You. This will be my life.


Psalm 119:94
I am Yours, save me